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Thread: Joke Thread

  1. #201
    Caught the Bug DR DPE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WJCO View Post
    Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?

    Here is a little test that will help you decide.
    The answer can be found by posing the following question:

    You're walking down a
    deserted street with your wife
    And two small children.

    Suddenly, a terrorist with a huge knife
    comes around the corner,
    locks eyes with you,
    screams "Allah ho akhbar!",
    raises the knife, and charges at you...

    You are carrying a
    Kimber 1911 .45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
    You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
    What do you do?


    THINK CAREFULLY AND
    THEN SCROLL DOWN:



    Democrat's Answer:

    � Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
    � What is a Kimber 1911 .45 ACP?
    � Does the man look poor or oppressed?
    � Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling?
    � Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
    � Could we run away?
    � What does my wife think?
    � What about the kids?
    � Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
    � What does the law say about this situation?
    � Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
    � Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
    � Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
    � Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
    � If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
    � Should I call 9-1-1?
    � Why is this street so deserted?
    � We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.
    � Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
    � I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
    � This is all so confusing!

    ............ ........ ........ ........... ........ ........ ........ ........ ..


    Republican's Answer:



    BANG!


    ............ ........ ...... ......... ......... ......... ........ .......

    Southerner's Answer:

    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
    BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG!
    Click...... (Sounds of reloading)

    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!BANG!BANG!
    Click

    Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!'
    'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!

    Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'

    Wife: You are not taking that to the Taxidermist!
    Now that is F’ing Funny!


    Sent from my iPhone using WAYALIFE mobile app
    BLK III

  2. #202
    Caught the Bug
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    From my Dad....

    Two dogs were out playing in a field running around on a boring rainy day. Just then, a strange dog strolls onto their property. They take off after the dog who instinctively runs in the opposite direction. The two dogs chasing were getting mud kicked up in their faces almost to the point of not being able to see in front of them anymore. One looks at his buddy and says "Man, this is a bitch ain't it!". He replies "I certainly hope so."
    Last edited by Moose92YJ; 02-07-2018 at 07:55 PM.

  3. #203
    Knows a Thing or Two trailraider's Avatar
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    when I was walking to work today I slipped on some black ice. At first I thought it was regular ice, but when I got up my wallet was missing.
    Jeep- Adult version of lego

  4. #204
    Fresh Catch
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    Right after this 6’6” 240 lb star football player married this little cheer leader; he pulled off his pants and said put these on. She put them on and they came up to her chest. She said these are to big for me... He then boasted, “damn right they are, I wear the pants in this family and don’t you forget it.”
    She then pulled off her panties and said put these on. When he could only pull them up to his knees told her “I can’t get into these”.
    She quickly replied “damn right you can’t and your not going to till you change your attitude.”


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  5. #205
    Resident Smartass OverlanderJK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by trailraider View Post
    when I was walking to work today I slipped on some black ice. At first I thought it was regular ice, but when I got up my wallet was missing.



    Sent from my iPhone using WAYALIFE mobile app
    2012 Jeep Wrangler

  6. #206
    Guy with a Red 2-Door cozdude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by trailraider View Post
    when I was walking to work today I slipped on some black ice. At first I thought it was regular ice, but when I got up my wallet was missing.
    that was good
    October 16, 2013, wednesday early evening, east of the pacific ocean, selectee for truly random and boring Parking lot photo of the moment grand platinum prize winner!

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  7. #207
    Nothing but a Thing TrailHunter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by trailraider View Post
    when I was walking to work today I slipped on some black ice. At first I thought it was regular ice, but when I got up my wallet was missing.
    You should know that Part of Me was Very offended by this....... Well...From the waist down anyway.

  8. #208
    Caught the Bug Growlz's Avatar
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    Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night, with Paddy the Pilot, and Shamus the co-pilot. As they approached Dublin airport, they looked out the front window.

    "B'jeesus," said Paddy "Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is."

    "You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy" replied Shamus.

    "Dis is gonna be one a' de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see," said Paddy.

    "You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy." replied Shamus.

    "Right Shamus. When I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse" said Paddy.

    "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.

    "And den ye put de flaps down straight away" said Paddy.

    "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.

    "And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can" said Paddy.

    "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.

    "And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul" said Paddy.

    "I be doing dat already" replied Shamus.

    So they approached the runway with Paddy and Shamus full of nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul. Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimetres from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Shamus and everyone on board.

    As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Shamus "Dat has gotta be de shortest fookin runway I have EVER seen in me whole life".

    Shamus looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, but look how fookin wide it is".

  9. #209
    Knows a Thing or Two Trail Bud's Avatar
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    Good thread Sharkey.
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  10. #210
    Knows a Thing or Two trailraider's Avatar
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    calgary
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    Does anyone know the difference between a chickpea and a lental?
    Jeep- Adult version of lego

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