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Thread: Joke Thread

  1. #431
    Knows a Thing or Two -AINOKEA-'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Murphyfish View Post
    How many Marines does it take to change a light bulb?
    4
    1 to change the lightbulb and 3 to make a bumper sticker for it.


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    Or 3 to supervise while arguing about what crayons taste better.


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  2. #432
    Fresh Catch Murphyfish's Avatar
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    Little Johnny is sitting in class. Teacher says “we’re going to go thru the alphabet and say a word that begins with each letter”. She sees a smile on Johnny’s face.
    Teacher: let’s start with the letter A.
    Johnny raises his hand. The teacher picks a different student.
    Teacher: “letter b”
    Johnny raises his hand and the teacher chooses another student.
    Teacher: “the letter c”
    Johnny enthusiastically shoots his hand in the air. Teacher clearly knows better than to hand Johnny this one.
    Teacher: “ letter d”
    She refuses to acknowledge that Johnny even exists.
    Teacher: “letter e”
    Still doesn’t choose Johnny.
    Teacher: “ letter f”
    Johnny is now frantically waving jumping up and down on his seat. Teacher bypassed him yet again.
    As she rolls thru the alphabet, she gets to the letter R. She notices that Johnny is just sitting there, and just raises his hand. For the life of her, she can’t think of how Johnny can come up with a bad word starting with R.
    Teacher: “go ahead Johnny”
    Johnny: “rat”
    Teacher:”very good Jo...”
    Johnny: “but it’s a big motherfucking rat with a dick 10 inches long”


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  3. #433
    Nothing but a Thing MericaMade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Murphyfish View Post
    Little Johnny is sitting in class. Teacher says “we’re going to go thru the alphabet and say a word that begins with each letter”. She sees a smile on Johnny’s face.
    Teacher: let’s start with the letter A.
    Johnny raises his hand. The teacher picks a different student.
    Teacher: “letter b”
    Johnny raises his hand and the teacher chooses another student.
    Teacher: “the letter c”
    Johnny enthusiastically shoots his hand in the air. Teacher clearly knows better than to hand Johnny this one.
    Teacher: “ letter d”
    She refuses to acknowledge that Johnny even exists.
    Teacher: “letter e”
    Still doesn’t choose Johnny.
    Teacher: “ letter f”
    Johnny is now frantically waving jumping up and down on his seat. Teacher bypassed him yet again.
    As she rolls thru the alphabet, she gets to the letter R. She notices that Johnny is just sitting there, and just raises his hand. For the life of her, she can’t think of how Johnny can come up with a bad word starting with R.
    Teacher: “go ahead Johnny”
    Johnny: “rat”
    Teacher:”very good Jo...”
    Johnny: “but it’s a big motherfucking rat with a dick 10 inches long”


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    Haha love it.

  4. #434
    Nothing but a Thing MericaMade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coop View Post
    Tonight on the news, the headline was “Officer shoots a man with a sword”. My wife Kelly blurts out “How the hell do you shoot somebody with a sword”? Took me a moment.


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    Quote Originally Posted by OverlanderJK View Post
    Lol


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    Listen to this one. I don't know how to put the video by itself.

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/ne...-dead-man.html
    Last edited by MericaMade; 12-08-2019 at 08:14 PM.

  5. #435
    Resident Smartass OverlanderJK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MericaMade View Post
    Listen to this one. I don't know how to put the video by itself.

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/ne...-dead-man.html
    🤣🤣


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  6. #436
    Addict Brute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Murphyfish View Post
    How many Marines does it take to change a light bulb?
    4
    1 to change the lightbulb and 3 to make a bumper sticker for it.


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    How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?...12; you got a problem
    with that?

  7. #437
    Nothing but a Thing MericaMade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brute View Post
    How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?...12; you got a problem
    with that?
    LOL. Teamsters are nothing but a bunch of idiot thieves.

  8. #438
    Addict Brute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MericaMade View Post
    LOL. Teamsters are nothing but a bunch of idiot thieves.
    Jimmy Hoffa’s last words...

  9. #439
    Nothing but a Thing jdofmemi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brute View Post
    How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?...12; you got a problem
    with that?
    And if you don't like that, the next time it will take 20

  10. #440
    Fresh Catch Murphyfish's Avatar
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    Start your day with little Johnny:
    Teacher wants her students to use a word twice in one sentence.
    Susie: The blue car drove in a field of green grass against the blue sky
    Teacher: excellent Susie.
    Lucy: the cement sidewalk leads up to the cement stairs.
    Teacher: good Lucy. How about you Johnny?
    Johnny: we’re sitting at the dinner table last night. My sister told my father she’s pregnant. My father said “beautiful, just fuckin beautiful”


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