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Thread: Joke Thread

  1. #1
    Word Ninja Sharkey's Avatar
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    Joke Thread

    A woman was shopping at the local supermarket where she selected:

    A half-gallon of 2% milk,
    A carton of eggs,
    A quart of orange juice,
    A head of lettuce,
    A 2 lb. Can of coffee and
    A 1 lb. Package of bacon

    A drunk man standing behind her watched as she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out.

    While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated -- 'You must be single.'

    The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but was intrigued by the derelict's intuition since she was indeed single.

    She looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about the selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

    Curiosity getting the better of her, she asked, 'Yes you are correct. But how on earth did you know that?'

    The drunk replied -- 'Cause you're ugly.'

  2. #2
    Old Timer JKAnimal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sharkey View Post
    A woman was shopping at the local supermarket where she selected:

    A half-gallon of 2% milk,
    A carton of eggs,
    A quart of orange juice,
    A head of lettuce,
    A 2 lb. Can of coffee and
    A 1 lb. Package of bacon

    A drunk man standing behind her watched as she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out.

    While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated -- 'You must be single.'

    The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but was intrigued by the derelict's intuition since she was indeed single.

    She looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about the selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

    Curiosity getting the better of her, she asked, 'Yes you are correct. But how on earth did you know that?'

    The drunk replied -- 'Cause you're ugly.'


    Thanks, I needed a laugh today!
    The ANIMAL Build Thread

    2012 JKUR 6 spd Manual; 5.13 gears; 4:1, CRUSH


    Done so far: Pro Comp 17x9 wheels, 37" NITTO Trail Grapplers, EVO Enforcer 4" Lift, 2.5 Spec. King Shocks/Compression Adjusters, 5.13 Gears, RR Aluminum Billet Hood Latches, Truck-Lite LED Headlights, Rigid Dually LEDs, Cobra 75 CB, Wild Boar Roof Rack, Tom Woods 1310 Front Drive shaft

  3. #3
    Resident Smartass OverlanderJK's Avatar
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    RECOMMENDED JEEP PARTS & ACCESSORIES

    2012 Dozer JK
    -Dynatrac PR44/Rubicon Rear
    -Nitto 37” Trail Grapplers
    -Rock Krawler 2.5” Lift
    -ATX Slabs
    -Warn VR8
    -EVO Armor/Bumpers

    2012 Billet Silver JKUR
    -EVO DTD front and rear
    -Dynatrac PR60/PR80
    -EVO High Clearance Long Arm
    -Nitto 40” Trail grapplers
    -KMC Machetes
    -JE Reel 1410/1350 Driveshafts
    -Warn CTI 9.5
    -EVO Armor/Bumpers

    1975 DJ5

  4. #4
    Guy with a Red 2-Door cozdude's Avatar
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    good one sharkey!
    Jeep parts and accessories purchased through the following link will help support this forum and at no cost to you.
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    October 16, 2013, wednesday early evening, east of the pacific ocean, selectee for truly random and boring Parking lot photo of the moment grand platinum prize winner!

    2011 JK
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  5. #5
    Knows a Thing or Two 1BAMFR's Avatar
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    Dayummmm! hahahahhaa
    Lifted, Locked, 37's, and a lot of etc.

  6. #6
    Addict Brankz's Avatar
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    Lol. bacon!!!!!!!
    YOUR NEGATIVITY IS WELCOME

  7. #7
    Knows a Thing or Two jeff_in_rc's Avatar
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    This is the ONLY joke my wife has laughed at in the 23 years we have been together, hope you like it.

    A guy is walking down the street past a mental hospital surronded by a huge wooden fence when he hears a group inside chanting "twelve, twelve, twelve". As he walks a little further down the street he sees a hole in the fence and decides to look thru the hole to see if he can find out why they are chanting.

    As he puts his face against the fence and looks thru the hole someone inside pokes him in the eye with a stick, then he hears them chanting "thirteen, thirteen, thirteen"!
    2004 RED TJ Rubicon
    Member of the Gear Grinders 4WD Club

  8. #8
    Hooked
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    A 60 year old man drives off the car lot with a new convertible corvette. As he speeds and feels the wind blowing threw what little hair he has, he begins to smile. He stairs at the speed limit going from 60-80 then 90. He then looks in the rear view mirror and notices red and blue lights. He accelerates up to 100 then 110 and realizes "I'm to old for this shit". He pulls over and the officer approaches. "Sir it's Friday and my shift ends in 30 minutes if u can give me one good reason not to sight u I will let you go" the old man looks up and quickly responds." Well see officer my ex wife ran off with a highway patrol officer, I thought it was you and you where bringing her back". Smiling the officer let's him go.

    Sent from my SPH-L720 using WAYALIFE mobile app

  9. #9
    Caught the Bug Capita's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sharkey View Post
    A woman was shopping at the local supermarket where she selected:

    A half-gallon of 2% milk,
    A carton of eggs,
    A quart of orange juice,
    A head of lettuce,
    A 2 lb. Can of coffee and
    A 1 lb. Package of bacon

    A drunk man standing behind her watched as she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out.

    While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated -- 'You must be single.'

    The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but was intrigued by the derelict's intuition since she was indeed single.

    She looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about the selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

    Curiosity getting the better of her, she asked, 'Yes you are correct. But how on earth did you know that?'

    The drunk replied -- 'Cause you're ugly.'

    Best I've heard or read in a long time!

  10. #10
    Nothing but a Thing Hobolobo's Avatar
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    Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
    Good always wins because whoever wins decides what's good.

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