Joke Thread
- Thread starter Sharkey
- Start date
piginajeep
The Original Smartass
miamidiver
New member
A guy came into a bar, wait no, a horse...a guy came into a horse.
Rccrwlr
New member
Two guys were taking a leak and one guy looks over at the other and sees he has a $100 bill tattooed on his Jonhson. He asks the guy why he got the tattoo and the man replies, my wife likes to shop and she spends all of my money so I got this tattoo so the next time she wants to go blow $100 bucks she can stay home!
--rccrwlr.
--rccrwlr.
Jaydoc1
New member
A guy notices that his new girlfriend massages his balls for nearly an hour every time after they have sex. Finding this to be a little different than any experiences he's had with past girlfriends, he finally decides to ask her about it.
So, one night after sex while she is rubbing away, he asks her.
"I don't want you to think I'm complaining or anything, because I actually sort of enjoy it, but I've noticed that you really seem to like rubbing my balls for a long time after we have sex. I've never had a girl do that to me before. Why do you like doing it so much?"
The girl thinks about it a minute and says, "You know I think you're right and I'm not really sure why..."
"...but maybe it's because I miss mine so much."
So, one night after sex while she is rubbing away, he asks her.
"I don't want you to think I'm complaining or anything, because I actually sort of enjoy it, but I've noticed that you really seem to like rubbing my balls for a long time after we have sex. I've never had a girl do that to me before. Why do you like doing it so much?"
The girl thinks about it a minute and says, "You know I think you're right and I'm not really sure why..."
"...but maybe it's because I miss mine so much."
rinkishjk
New member
Lolol that's funny!
BlackHawk08jk
New member
An airplane is in mid flight when the pilot comes over the intercom and announces that the engines are shutting down and the plane is going to crash. A woman passenger stands up and strips her clothes off. She says one of you men make me feel like a woman one last time! So a man stands up takes his shirt off and throws it to her, and say go iron this for me.
MTG
Caught the Bug
Skid_Kid
New member
:cheesy::cheesy::cheesy::cheesy::cheesy::cheesy:
trailraider
Active Member
H3's
Hahahahahahah
Hahahahahahah
computeruser6
New member
The Onion-China Vows to Begin Aggresively Falsifying Air Pollution Numbers
BEIJING—Acknowledging the industrialized nation’s role in global climate change, China reportedly reached a landmark agreement with the United States Wednesday, pledging to significantly increase the rate at which it falsifies air pollution data over the next 15 years. “As the world’s leading manufacturer and a rising global economy, we consider it our responsibility to begin taking aggressive measures to fabricate pollution statistics and openly misinform the rest of the world about our level of carbon emissions,” said Chinese president Xi Jinping during a joint press conference with U.S. president Barack Obama, noting that, while China has already taken steps to misrepresent its air quality, it will steadily expand its current deception and begin distorting data in a variety of new sectors, such as grossly overstating its level of investment in solar, wind, and other renewable energy sources. “China is strongly committed to the goal of claiming its greenhouse gas output has been cut in half by 2030. We will work tirelessly to exaggerate, manipulate, and in many cases flat-out lie about the amount of pollutants Chinese factories and energy plants release into the atmosphere. That is our unwavering pledge.” At press time, Chinese officials announced that the country had already met its goal.
BEIJING—Acknowledging the industrialized nation’s role in global climate change, China reportedly reached a landmark agreement with the United States Wednesday, pledging to significantly increase the rate at which it falsifies air pollution data over the next 15 years. “As the world’s leading manufacturer and a rising global economy, we consider it our responsibility to begin taking aggressive measures to fabricate pollution statistics and openly misinform the rest of the world about our level of carbon emissions,” said Chinese president Xi Jinping during a joint press conference with U.S. president Barack Obama, noting that, while China has already taken steps to misrepresent its air quality, it will steadily expand its current deception and begin distorting data in a variety of new sectors, such as grossly overstating its level of investment in solar, wind, and other renewable energy sources. “China is strongly committed to the goal of claiming its greenhouse gas output has been cut in half by 2030. We will work tirelessly to exaggerate, manipulate, and in many cases flat-out lie about the amount of pollutants Chinese factories and energy plants release into the atmosphere. That is our unwavering pledge.” At press time, Chinese officials announced that the country had already met its goal.
StrizzyChris
New member
A priest took a sabbatical to a fishing lodge. On the last day of his trip, he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in. The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!" "Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!" the priest said. "No, Father," replied the guide, "that's what kind of fish it is. It's a Son of a Bitch fish!" "Really? Well help me land this Son of a Bitch!" chimed the priest. Once in the boat, they marveled at the monster. "Father, that is the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen" said the guide. "Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch," replied the priest. "What should I do with it?" asked the priest. "Why eat it, of course," answered the guide. "You've never tasted anything as good as that Son of a Bitch!"
Elated, the priest headed home to the church. While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip. "Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!" the priest said. Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary. "Father!" "It's OK Sister," said the priest, "that's what kind of fish it is. A Son of a Bitch fish!" "Oh well, then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?" asked Sister Mary. "Why, eat it of course," answered the priest. "The guide said nothing compares to the taste of a Son of a Bitch." The Sister informed the priest that the Pope was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for dinner. "I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch," she said. As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. "What are you doing, Sister Mary?" asked the Friar. "Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the Pope's dinner," replied Sister Mary. "Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!" asked the Friar. "No, no,no. It's called a Son of a Bitch fish - really!" claimed Sister Mary. "Oh, well in that case, I'll fix up a great meal and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course!" replied the Friar. "Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."
On the night of the Pope's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal, there was wine, and the fish was excellent. The Pope said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?" "I caught the Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest. The Pope's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing. "And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the sister. The Pope sat silent in disbelief. And the Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special recipe!"
The Pope looked at each of them. Slowly a big smile crept across his face, and he said, "You fuckers are my kind of people!"
Elated, the priest headed home to the church. While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip. "Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!" the priest said. Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary. "Father!" "It's OK Sister," said the priest, "that's what kind of fish it is. A Son of a Bitch fish!" "Oh well, then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?" asked Sister Mary. "Why, eat it of course," answered the priest. "The guide said nothing compares to the taste of a Son of a Bitch." The Sister informed the priest that the Pope was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for dinner. "I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch," she said. As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. "What are you doing, Sister Mary?" asked the Friar. "Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the Pope's dinner," replied Sister Mary. "Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!" asked the Friar. "No, no,no. It's called a Son of a Bitch fish - really!" claimed Sister Mary. "Oh, well in that case, I'll fix up a great meal and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course!" replied the Friar. "Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."
On the night of the Pope's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal, there was wine, and the fish was excellent. The Pope said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?" "I caught the Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest. The Pope's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing. "And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the sister. The Pope sat silent in disbelief. And the Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special recipe!"
The Pope looked at each of them. Slowly a big smile crept across his face, and he said, "You fuckers are my kind of people!"
computeruser6
New member
MTG
Caught the Bug
computeruser6
New member
This is a rather sardonic method of ridicule for yet another lazy Adam Sandler film. For some reason, Americans keep spending their hard earned money to watch the lowest common denominator of humor and entertainment. It's almost as bad as paying to see a Paranormal Activity or Transformers (so-called) movie.
