Joke Thread
- Thread starter Sharkey
- Start date
daddyusmaximus
New member
daddyusmaximus
New member
daddyusmaximus
New member
daddyusmaximus
New member
NecessaryEvil
Caught the Bug
srosario
New member
Draconianwinter
New member
Trucker, Lawyer, and A Priest
Trucker would amuse himself by running over lawyers. Whenever he saw a lawyer walking down the side of the road he would swerve to hit him, enjoy the load, satisfying “THUMP”, and then swerve back onto the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, “Where are you going, Father?” “I’m going to the church 5 miles down the road,” replied the priest. “No problem, Father! I’ll give you a lift. Climb in the truck.”
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer.
However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud “THUD”. Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn’t see anything, he turned to the priest and said, “I’m sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer.”
“I know”, replied the priest. “Lucky I got him with the door!”
Sent from my SM-N920V using WAYALIFE mobile app
Trucker would amuse himself by running over lawyers. Whenever he saw a lawyer walking down the side of the road he would swerve to hit him, enjoy the load, satisfying “THUMP”, and then swerve back onto the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, “Where are you going, Father?” “I’m going to the church 5 miles down the road,” replied the priest. “No problem, Father! I’ll give you a lift. Climb in the truck.”
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer.
However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud “THUD”. Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn’t see anything, he turned to the priest and said, “I’m sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer.”
“I know”, replied the priest. “Lucky I got him with the door!”
Sent from my SM-N920V using WAYALIFE mobile app
Okay, a good friend of mine just sent this to me...
President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water.
It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.
The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying "Never mind, boys, I'll get it."
The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed onto the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat.
The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope's entourage were speechless.
No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.
But that afternoon, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, CNN all knew how to cover the story.
Their banner headlines read,
"TRUMP CAN'T SWIM!"
:crazyeyes:
President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water.
It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.
The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying "Never mind, boys, I'll get it."
The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed onto the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat.
The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope's entourage were speechless.
No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.
But that afternoon, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, CNN all knew how to cover the story.
Their banner headlines read,
"TRUMP CAN'T SWIM!"
:crazyeyes:
WJCO
Meme King
Good one.
jkLogan
New member
Ok so my girlfriend and I are at a Christmas party and everyone was having a good time. When we were ready to leave I realized i had had to many drinks so I decided to do something I had never done. I called a cab. Sure enough on the way home there was a dui checkpoint but since we were in a cab they just waved us through. Now that I've woken up I guess I need to find something to do with this taxi that's in my garage...
Three Boy Scouts, a lawyer, a priest, and a pilot are in a plane that is about to crash.
The pilot says "Well, we only have 3 parachutes, let's give them to the boys!. They are young and have their whole lives in front of them"
The lawyer says "Fuck those little boys!"
The priest says, "Think we have time?"
Sent from my iPhone using WAYALIFE mobile app
The pilot says "Well, we only have 3 parachutes, let's give them to the boys!. They are young and have their whole lives in front of them"
The lawyer says "Fuck those little boys!"
The priest says, "Think we have time?"
Sent from my iPhone using WAYALIFE mobile app
madstiles
New member
WJCO
Meme King
Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a
deserted street with your wife
And two small children.
Suddenly, a terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you,
screams "Allah ho akhbar!",
raises the knife, and charges at you...
You are carrying a
Kimber 1911 .45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
THINK CAREFULLY AND
THEN SCROLL DOWN:
Democrat's Answer:
� Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
� What is a Kimber 1911 .45 ACP?
� Does the man look poor or oppressed?
� Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling?
� Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
� Could we run away?
� What does my wife think?
� What about the kids?
� Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
� What does the law say about this situation?
� Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
� Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
� Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
� Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
� If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
� Should I call 9-1-1?
� Why is this street so deserted?
� We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.
� Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
� I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
� This is all so confusing!
............ ........ ........ ........... ........ ........ ........ ........ ..
Republican's Answer:
BANG!
............ ........ ...... ......... ......... ......... ........ .......
Southerner's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click...... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!BANG!BANG!
Click
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!'
'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!
Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'
Wife: You are not taking that to the Taxidermist!
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a
deserted street with your wife
And two small children.
Suddenly, a terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you,
screams "Allah ho akhbar!",
raises the knife, and charges at you...
You are carrying a
Kimber 1911 .45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
THINK CAREFULLY AND
THEN SCROLL DOWN:
Democrat's Answer:
� Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
� What is a Kimber 1911 .45 ACP?
� Does the man look poor or oppressed?
� Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling?
� Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
� Could we run away?
� What does my wife think?
� What about the kids?
� Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
� What does the law say about this situation?
� Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
� Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
� Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
� Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
� If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
� Should I call 9-1-1?
� Why is this street so deserted?
� We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.
� Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
� I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
� This is all so confusing!
............ ........ ........ ........... ........ ........ ........ ........ ..
Republican's Answer:
BANG!
............ ........ ...... ......... ......... ......... ........ .......
Southerner's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click...... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!BANG!BANG!
Click
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!'
'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!
Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'
Wife: You are not taking that to the Taxidermist!
Shermanthatank
Member
TrailHunter
Hooked
Good one WJCO!!! Glad you found the old Joke thread!
Brute
Hooked
Biggest joke of the new year...a false alarm this morning of a ballistic missle strike incoming to Hawaii...I was just leaving the house when I heard my wife yelling at me about an emergency warning on the phone about an incoming missle...she asked me "what should we do?"...to which I replied..."I better get more beer than I originally planned...and the civil defense better not screw up the Titans-Patriots game"...
GraniteCrystal
New member
Was just reading about this. Someone screwed up big time. Glad Hawaii is still in existence.
Brute
Hooked
I suspect there is a job opening at the Civil Defense shortly...